Gor's Page

In acknowledging the extensive work done by the above author, several of his stories are linked here. All the stories used are unedited. There are oher stories but these have been with-held due to suitability of topics. I have written to Gor thanking him for his excellent resource and asking that I may stay in contact.

About Gor - by Gor as extracted from his ThailandLife.com website. I am Panrit "Gor" Daoruang, a Thai teenager and the webmaster of this online magazine. (I used to be called Nattawud but I changed my name after I received a lot of bad luck. Then I ordained as a monk .) I am going to show you all about my home country, Thailand, through my every-day life. I have been writing about my experiences on the internet since I was 12 years old. I have been doing this for nine years. So, there are now hundreds of pictures and tons of information about Thailand which I keep adding to every week. Every day, more than 3500 people come to read about every moment of my Thai life from birth to adulthood. With videos they can now watch too! There are over 800 pictures of every moment in my life from the time when I was a baby until now with the birth of my own baby. I have lots of pictures about our culture, custom, traditions etc. such as weddings, funerals, becoming a novice monk and a lot more. In fact, if you want to know anything about the culture of Thailand you will find it here. This web site started as a student project. But after a few years of working and adding more information on to the web site, it has started to grow and get some money coming in. Since then, everything has started to change and become less like a hobby any more. Until now, it finally has turned into a fulltime work and has already become my occupation. Afterall, I now run an internet business with an old friend of mine in our own company called "Paknam Web Co., Ltd." www.paknamweb.th . Gor with Grace Gor's wedding to Tai NEWSFLASH - September 2006 We have some disturbing news for you. Gor can no longer update his website as he is in a Thai prison! You can read all about this sad chapter in his life at www.ThaiPrisonLife.com . To give him moral support we are asking people if they can send him a short letter or a postcard. The address can be found on the above website. Gor really appreciates all the letters he has received so far. He says it is touching to know that people are still thinking about him. This is the story of one prisoner at Klong Dan Prison in Samut Prakan, Thailand. His name is Panrit Daoruang (previously Nattawud) and he is known by thousands of people around the world as Gor. This prisoner is no ordinary Thai person. Ever since the age of 12, he has been documenting his life on the Internet on his internationally acclaimed website thailandlife.com. Over the years he became Thailand's most recognized teenager. Newspapers hailed him as Thailand's youngest ambassador. Others said he had done more to promote Thailand than the government run Tourism Authority of Thailand. Indeed, his other website at learningthai.com receives over 6,000 unique visitors every day. That is a lot of people he was helping to learn Thai for free.  When he was only 16, Gor became the youngest columnist at the Bangkok Post ( GorsWorld.com). Over a period of two years he wrote honestly about the ups and downs of his life. He wrote about his teenage marriage, the birth of his daughter and his most darkest secret (drug addiction). He told them that when he was 15 he became addicted to drugs. This drug is known locally as "yaa baa" or "crazy drug". Unknown to his readers at that time , he was still struggling to quit. The drugs had affected him more than we first thought. Shortly after his 20th birthday, he was arrested by the police for drug possession. His parents put their house up for the bail and a year passed before he had to go to court. In that time he managed to stay clean and concentrated on raising his family and his Internet work. On the 7th September 2006, the criminal court in Samut Prakan sentenced Gor to six years in prison. However, this was then commuted to three years because he had pleaded guilty. At 4.45 p.m. that afternoon, a new chapter opened in the life of Gor.  His due date for release as at 25/01/07 was 142 days served and 956 days to be served Comment from this web designer: A sad mistake which has changed a rather busy and challenging life of a Thai teenager with a wife and child, who had so much going for him. His lesson he is now learning must be a guidance for others so silly to follow the drug path. It is not known from articles read on his website of what has happened to his wife and child.

Gor's stories posted on the web.

 

Back in 1998, when I was thirteen years old, was the time I started to become a teenager and when I started to care more about myself and how I looked. Also, I started to feel love fo r the first time, which is a normal thing for most teenagers around the world. I began to look for a cute girl to be my girlfriend. I kept looking for a while and at last, I found her. Now, let me tell you about my first girlfriend, how we became together, what we have been through and what happened when we went out together. One day, at the beginning of the first term when I was in Mathayom 1 (high school year one), I went back to visit my old primary school and to work on my web site. I went in the computer room and saw that there were quite a lot of students there. I walked straight to my usual computer and turned it on. I tried my best to ignore the students who were staring at me but I wasn't trying hard enough. I looked back at them for a few minutes, then I looked around the room. I saw a girl with big eye glasses who kept glancing at me so I gave her a smile. Then, she turned her face back to her friends quickly and started to talk. After the lesson finished, I walked up to her and asked for her name. She said that her name was Malee (not her real name). I told her my name then I started to tease her and her friends. We were joking around for nearly half an hour then they said they had to go, which made me sad. Malee said that she always went home by herself every day. So I went down to the first floor and ran outside to wait for her. When she came around the corner and saw me there, she was a bit shocked. I walked and chatted with her to the market, where she catches the bus back home. It made me feel good and I was very happy. The next day I asked for her phone number. She gave it to me. Really, she didn't want to because she said her dad is very strict and didn‘t like her talking to boys. She told me that when I ring her home and someone else picks up the phone, just hang up. I told her I would do that. After that we talked on the phone every night. The longest time I talked to her was for three and a half hours. I don't know how I could chat for that long on the phone as we saw each other often. We met every day after school and we always went to eat ice cream or take sticker pictures together. If one day I didn't see or talk to her, I felt badly. I think I started to love her. My feeling for her was getting more and more every day. I finally decided to tell her how I felt. I told her that I liked her and then I asked her how she felt about me. She replied that she liked me too. I was really happy when I heard that. We became boyfriend and girlfriend then. We went quite fast up the levels, from holding hands to French kissing in only three months. We loved each other a lot and we promised to marry each other when we grew up. Lots of people told me I was taking her too seriously, also they said that it was only puppy love. I never listened to what they said. At that time, I was blind because of love. We were having lots of wonderful times together while we were hanging out. But it wasn't long before we started to have problems. Some with each other and some with people around us. Come back next week to find out what happened and discover why my 15th birthday was the worst day in my life. I talked before about the enjoyable times I had with my first girlfriend. Now let's talk about the down side while I was going out with Malee (not her real name). It mostly happened because we were too much in love. For example, getting angry or jealous too quickly, thinking too much, not being careful when we were kissing or holding hands in public, etc. We broke up quite a few times but we always got back together again. The problems started when Malee finished primary 6. She came to study in the same secondary school as me. We were really really close because we could see each other all day. We often got caught for not going to classes. We also got caught a few times while we were walking around the market holding hands. A teacher wrote our names down and the next morning he hit us with a long stick. It was very painful. But that didn't really stop us. Nothing can really stop the power of love. If anything, the more people tried to keep us apart the closer we became. I am curious, can't teachers or adults remember when they were young? Can't they remember how they felt when they were in love? I understand that their generation couldn‘t do so much. My mum once told me that she only met my dad once a week or less than that. And when they met, they couldn't meet for a long time. They just sat down together to talk or tease each other, nothing else. She said that teenagers in my generation do too much. When she was my age, she never went out alone with my dad. She also told me that she never kissed a boy until she was 18. I told her that one of my friends has a baby already and he is only 16, the same age as me. I think the new Thai generation is more open to the world. It is because we have more technology. We can see other teenagers around the world doing things like holding hands, kissing, or cuddling in public. They even do it at school! We see that very often in American movies and that makes us want to do the same. Myself, I think it's better to do those things in public than in a private place like a hotel. At least in public they won't go further than what you see. But for sure, in private, they will go further. Now to get back to the story about my first girlfriend. We had been hanging out for nearly two years when on my birthday, Malee rang me and said that she was done with me. She didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I was really sad and upset. I cried and cried and asked her why? She said that she was bored with me. She said that she loved me but she did not trust me and she couldn't make herself trust me. Also, she now had someone else who she could trust more than me. I was really upset. It took me along time to get over her. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't try to go too fast up the levels. Also, I wouldn't be too close with her. I would be more open to her, talk to her about everything. And I would tell her before we started to hang out that if she finds someone else that she loves more than me, she can tell me. And I would not be angry with her so we wouldn't have any stupid arguments or be jealous. When I have children I will tell them about my "puppy love" story. I will tell them that don't go too fast, don't love too much when you are so young and listen to other people when you are in love. Love really can make you blind.

 

The other night, I had a surprise phone call from one of my friends. I was a bit shocked because he is usually busy and rarely calls anyone during the night. But tonight he called me! It could only mean that he is in trouble or needed me to help with something quite serious. He as ked me to go and see him. I quickly grabbed my bike keys and set off. I met up with him at the Internet cafe in Paknam market, where he always hangs out during the night. When I arrived, I spotted that there was something strange happening there. It was very weird that all of my friends were outside instead of sitting in front of the computer playing the popular online game, Ragnarok. They weren't normally like this. I quickly parked my bike and went to sit down with my friends and asked them what was going on. I soon found out what had happened. They told me that there was a new law that came out not long ago. It said that Internet caf?s aren't allowed to open after 10pm. That itself wasn't a big problem because they could just go to their friend's house to play. But, it wasn't only that, the government also ordered Ragnarok's Thailand server to shutdown at 10pm as well. Lucky for me that I wasn't that much into the game so the situation didn't really affect me directly. But these friends of mine were addicted to Ragnarok. They usually played all night without taking a break. It was a part of their life. They told me what they thought about what the government was doing. “I think closing all the Internet caf?s and shutting down the server at 10pm is totally unfair for the daytime workers such as adults. There aren't only teenagers playing Ragnarok. There are adults too! Did the government think about this? Also, if I wer one of the students who really liked to play Ragnarok, I might skip classes or not go to school just to come to play it during the daytime. “Anyway by closing everything at 10pm, what about those kids that always play it late at night? What will they do instead? Do you really think they will just go home to sleep? They might turn to something else which might cause more problems such as drugs, gambling, motorcycle racing. “I know that there were some unpleasant things that happened such as kids stealing their parents' money just to get their level higher and some users buying really rare items from other players for thousands of baht. I understand that it's these kinds of things that they shouldn't be doing but it's really not the game's fault. It's the users! Instead of banning the game, why don't they just find ways to stop these kinds of things?” I asked my friends what they were planning to do next. Some of them said they would go to the karaoke bar to have some fun. Then one of them said that he would try and learn some Korean. I was puzzled and asked him why? He said that even though the government could shut the server down here in Thailand, they couldn't do that to the Ragnarok servers in Korea and Japan. He said he would work out how to play on their servers! Then another friend said he would try some other online games like Diablo. I think the government always does things back to front. Instead of trying to take fun activities away from us every time, they should be giving us things we can do that can help us relax after a hard day of studying or work. Paknam city has no basketball courts, football pitches or youth clubs. I think that the government should be more understanding towards teenagers and their needs. They should talk about it with us instead of going ahead and doing it their way.

 

About a week ago, my grandmum invited my girlfriend's mum to her house to have a chat about us. My girlfriend was very excited that her mum was coming. So was I. We helped each other clean our room so it would look nice when her mum came. After we had finished, her mum arrived with Tai's brother. We followed them into the house to pay respect to her mum and then we went back outside to wait. After about half an hour, her brother came out and asked us to come back in. We went in and sat on the floor while they were sitting on the chairs. Then my girlfriend's mum asked Tai how much she could trust me? My girlfriend looked at her mum's face and then at my face and then she replied, "I would say that it is more than 80 percent." Her mum asked me the same question and I replied the same as my girlfriend. Then my grandmum told us to go back outside. Another fifteen minutes later, they all came out of the house. Her mum and her brother went back home straight away. Before they got in the car, we paid her mum proper respect. My girlfriend asked her mum what they talked about in the house. She said to her, "Don't worry, it's a good thing. You will find out soon". She gave my girlfriend and me a smile and then drove off. We quickly walked back to my grandmum and asked her. She said, "Calm down, calm down. I will tell you now what we talked about." Then she went to sit on a chair in the garden. We sat down too and waited for her to tell us. My heart was banging very fast. I was very excited to know. A few minutes after that, she started to tell us. She said, "We both decided that you should get married before having a baby and then we also talked about the sin sot (dowry) that we have to give to Tai's mum and the date for the wedding. But we couldn't decide about the exact amount of money for the dowry and the date yet because Tai's mum needs to think about it first". She stopped to take a breath then she went on. "Tai's mum will talk to an astrologer to find out the best day for the wedding after she finished the discussion with her relations about the dowry". We were very happy to hear that we were going to get married but I was a bit worried about the dowry. I don't know how much people normally asked or paid for the dowry. I hoped that her mum was not going to ask us for too much. I have heard that in America they sometimes have "shotgun weddings" when you get your girlfriend pregnant. Some people might think or say that this is a shotgun wedding, but you know what, it is not. I would still marry Tai even if she wasn't pregnant. Really it is our decision to get married not her mum or my grandmum. I was the one who told my grandmum that I wanted to marry my girlfriend and I asked her to talk to my girlfriend's mum. A few days ago, Tai's mum telephoned to talk to my grandmum about the dowry. We were sitting in our room waiting for them to finish talking. We were very excited. Our bodies were shaking and our hearts were banging really fast. At last she came in and told me how much the dowry was going to be. I was shocked after I heard that Tai's mum wants one hundred thousand baht! I am not sure that my family can afford to pay that or not. We aren't rich, just an average working class family. I am starting to be worried that the wedding might not happen after all. I hope it isn't going be that way. I love Tai and I want to marry her before the baby is born. I want to do everything properly by Thai tradition.

 

Most people only have one mother but I don't, I have three mothers. This doesn't mean that my father has lots of wives. In the past when I was younger, we all stayed at my grandmum's house. When my mum went back to work, my grandmum had to look after me, that's why I call her "mae yai" (which is Thai for big mother). In the late afternoon, when my mum hadn't come back and mae yai had gone to cook dinner for us, my aunt (mum's younger sister) looked after me. That's why I call her "mae lek" (which is Thai for little mother). Mae yai is very strict but she is also very kind. She told me that when I was younger I was really naughty and she used to hit me a lot. She hit me with a stick. I was really scared of that. Every time I saw her holding that stick I behaved properly! Mae yai loves me a lot but she doesn't really understand me because she comes from the older generation. Now when she knows that I have gone out to have a date with a girl, she will complain that I am not allowed to do that because I'm no old enough even though I am 16! Mae yai is the one I always listen to, the one I never refuse and the one I will never make cry. But once we had an argument about something. I made her cry. I didn't know how to punish myself so I just cut my skin with a cutter. The next morning, I went to apologize to her and prostrated myself to her feet. She said don't worry, it's OK. I cried, then she hugged me. That made me cry even more. Now I still have a scar from that time. It makes me remember not to be bad again. I am hoping that if I can save some money from teaching and my online bookshop, I can give some to her. Mae lek is very kind and the one that understands me the most. She never complains or hurts me. She also helped me when mae yai hit me. She is a new generation woman! Since I was young up to now, every time I met her at mae yai's house she always gave me some money.   She gave me at least 500 baht ever y time. But now I don't see her much because she's very busy with her work. Finally, my real mum. She is more like a friend to me. I can talk to her about everything without feeling embarrassed. She even knows all about how many girls I have. She is a superb mum. She works every day. She has been working very hard since I was young but she never complains. She sometimes does all of the housework for me and tells dad that I did it. She is rarely angry with me. I am really lucky to have a mum like this. Most of my friends said they wanted to have a mother like her. I am sure they would!!! At last I want to say that I am the luckiest person in this world because I have three wonderful mums. And also I want to thank them for understanding me and looking after me when I was younger. If I didn't have them, I don't think I would have any of my present success. They taught me well. I want to say that I am very sorry and I want to apologize to them for the mistakes I made in the past. I won't do it again, I promise. I love them, my three mums. I would do anything, even die to protect them.

 

Do you remember the column I wrote about my friend, Boat? He was in the story called “Teenage Parents”. I remember writing that I was surprised when I learned he had become a father. We both used to be butterfly boys until he made his number one girlfriend pregnant. Then after his girlfriend gave birth to a baby boy, he became a sixteen-year-old dad and left our circle of friends. I bumped into him a few months later. I was surprised about how much he had changed. He was doing pretty well and I truly respected him and his girlfriend for being able to cope with life as teenage parents. They were doing an excellent job for their age. I remember telling him that I was sure I wouldn't be able to cope with being a father. The thought of it scared me as I really enjoyed my freedom and life as a carefree teenager. Little did I know that I would soon be in the same boat as him. As everyone now knows, only two months after I wrote that column I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant and that my own life was about to change forever! On Friday 11th July 2003, less than a week after my 18th birthday, I became a father! My life has been so busy recently that I had forgotten all about Boat. Then, the other day I heard some news from my friends about him. They said they saw Boat's girlfriend hanging out with a guy. They went to say hello to her and asked about Boat. She replied “There is nothing between me and Boat now, we have broken up.” She smiled and then introduced them to her new lover. My friends said that she seemed to be very happy about it. I was shocked. I really wanted to know the full story so I asked my friends to take me to meet her. I then asked her about what happened. She said that she was tired of being a parent after Boat had started to go back to his old life. Boat couldn't live in the adults' world anymore. He said to her that he had had enough. He preferred to be a butterfly boy rather than being a father. So, she then decided to do the same thing as him. She said to me that she didn't want to stay at home all day looking after the baby while Boat was out looking for girls. She then went out to look for a new guy. When she found someone she liked she then broke up with Boat. She moved out from his parents' house and left the baby there with Boat's mum. Oh God! What happened to that happy family I met nearly a year ago? I used to respect them and what they were doing, but all of those things have gone. It showed me that they are really still teenagers. Yes, they started well, I accept that. But they couldn't keep it up. That is the hardest thing. I now understand that from my own experience. Being a parent is a 24-hour job. It is not a video game that you can put on pause. I am now going down the same road that Boat was on last year. I shouldn't really judge him because anything could happen in the future. Tai and I are trying our best to be adults but we still have fights. I think we argue because we sometimes cannot understand each other. Probably because we are not mature enough. After hearing about Boat I am now more determined to make things work. I don't want to be like him. I want my daughter to have loving parents and to have a normal childhood. Next week I will tell you the honest truth about life as a parent so far. Many things have not gone according to plan. I will also tell you about the time that Tai and myself nearly broke up.

 

I am now sitting in the waiting area in the hospital with my girlfriend. We came here a bit too early so we have to wait for the doctors and nurses to finish their lunch break. This is the third time that I have taken my girlfriend to the hospital to have a check up. I didn't know before that a pregnant woman has to come to check her body so often. This time, I hope that it will be cheaper than the last two times. The first time we came here I was feeling nervous because I didn't know what to do. I have never come to see a doctor with a pregnant woman before. We had to wait for a long time before the nurse called out my girlfriend's name. She got up and walked into the examination room. At that time, I didn't know that I could go in or not, so I kept walking up and down outside. A few minutes later a nurse came out and saw me there. Then, before I could ask her the question, she said to me that I could go inside if I wanted to. God, how could she answer my question before I said anything? Maybe she has seen other people do the same thing as me? After I said thank you to that nurse, I quickly went into the room. My girlfriend was sitting on a chair facing the doctor. She was answering questions that he was asking. She turned around and looked at me angrily. She stared at me for a few seconds and then she turned her face back to the doctor. Since my girlfriend got pregnant, she has got angry with me so easily. It has happened lots of times when she would make a big thing out of something small. I noticed that she has been acting very strange like this for several weeks now. One minute she looked happy and was laughing, then another minute she was crying. I felt like she had changed to be a different person. Also, for a few weeks now she keeps telephoning me and saying that she is hungry. Every time she rings I have to stop what I am doing to go out to buy her some food. Then, about five minutes after I get back she rings and says that she is hungry again! I am afraid I won't be able to concentrate on my work at all when she keeps doing that . Also, I no longer have any free time for myself. But, after the first time we went to see the doctor, he told me that every pregnant woman is like this. It is because of the hormones inside her body. He said he would give her some medicine and that would help her. I said thank you and then went to pay the money. I was a bit shocked when I arrived at the cashier because it was very expensive. It cost me more than one thousand baht! Nearly a week later, she felt ill and sick more than before so I had to take her back to the hospital. The doctor gave her some more medicine to take and gave her some injections. This time it was about seven hundred baht. Even though it cost me less than last time, it was still expensive for me. The lunch break has now finished and I hear a nurse call out my girlfriend's name. We go in to see the doctor together. Now everything is easier as I understand more about what is happening. However, I must learn to be more patient with my girlfriend and not get angry when she does something silly. Like last night when she said she wanted to put make-up on my face. I have no choice. I have to remember that she is pregnant and I have to keep her calm and happy. It is hard to do but I am hoping that everything will be back to normal after the baby is born. I hope.

 

I was back in front of the operating theatre again. I couldn't keep still and kept walking like before. I was still worried about Tai. I have seen in the movies and read in the newspaper about mothers who died after giving birth. It's possible that she wouldn't make it. She is so much weaker than other pregnant women plus she is a bit too young for this kind of thing. About twenty minutes passed. I tried to calm myself down by taking some long breaths and drinking some water. But that didn't help much as I now wanted to go to the toilet! But, I didn't dare go because I might miss her coming out. So, I had to jump up and down as I walked back and forth. Finally, the double-doors opened and Tai's doctor came out. I quickly walked up to him and paid him respect. Before I could ask him any questions he smiled and said to me “Everything is fine, she is OK. There is nothing to worry about, the nurses will bring her out soon.” I nodded and gave him a wai. He smiled and said “No problem” and then he excused himself and left. After listening to the doctor, I was no longer worried about Tai. I came back and stood still in front of the door. I really wanted to see Tai come out as fast as I could . I don't know why. Maybe I just missed her and wanted to be there with her! Less than ten minutes later, the double-doors opened again. It was Tai! I ran towards her. She was sleeping! I saw a tear in the corner of her eye. She must have been crying because of the pain. Poor Tai, she doesn't cry very easily like other girls. I felt very upset. I really wanted to be with her but I couldn't. I touched her on the forehead and stroked her hair a couple of times. The nurses took Tai inside the recovery room and closed the door behind them. The room was only a few meters away from the nursery. I stood outside trying to look in but I couldn't because the door was completely closed. I couldn't slide it open myself as you were only allowed to visit the patients in this room during the evening. I thought about doing something for Tai to make up for not being there with her during the operation, even though it wasn't my fault. I quickly ran up to the room to get some money and my motorbike keys. Then I came down to the nursery to have another look at my daughter before I went outside. She was now in a cot near the window so t hat I could see her better. I was pretty sure that she was sleeping because she didn't move much and didn't cry! I would have liked to stand there and look through the glass all day. But before I could do that I had to go out to buy Tai some white roses and freshen myself up. I wanted to be back in time to be the first one who visited her and the first one she saw when she woke up. I would be sitting there by her bed with the white roses! I was really in a good mood, nothing could destroy my happiness. I felt relieved and very happy that after all the problems, everything was all right. Nothing had gone wrong. I am very proud that I have become a father for real now. I know lots of things will change as I have started a new chapter in my life. I have to grow up even faster than before and I can't play around with my friends like I sometimes still do. I am quite ready for that. I will do everything in my power to give my baby everything she needs in life and I promise I will be a superb parent! Let's see …

 

Have you seen that picture of those three monkeys? The first one has his hands over his eyes. The second has his hands over his mouth. And the third has his hands over his ears. That is what I think is wrong with sex education in schools. The older generation knows that more and more students are having sex at an earlier age but they don't want to talk about it. So, we have to find answers to our problems from our friends. And of course, our friends are not always right. If I said to my teacher, "Can you teach me about safe sex?" she would immediately do like those three monkeys. But I think it is important that we discuss it. Today I want to tell you a story that is happening a lot these days. It is about teenagers getting pregnant and having abortions. I am going to tell you about a friend of mine called Bank. One day he found out from his girlfriend that she was pregnant. He was so shocked and didn't know what to do. He said that he didn't use a condom because he was her first lover so she had no sexual diseases. Also, it was more fun and natural without a condom. But he forgot to think about one important thing that could happen after having sex — getting pregnant. Bank thought it would never happen to him. At school, they don't really teach much about sex. They don't really teach us clearly about how to have safe sex or how to use birth control. They teach us nothing much, and it only lasts for a week or two. Too little and quite often too late. It wasn't only Bank that made a mistake like that. There are a couple of my other friends too. I told you before about my friend Boat who got his girlfriend pregnant. He was using a cheap condom and didn't wear it properly. The condom broke while he was having sex with his girlfriend. He didn't seem to care about it at first. He also made a joke of it. By the time they found out she was pregnant it was too late to have an abortion. Bank said that it wasn't easy to decide about having an abortion. He said that his girlfriend and he both cried because they didn't want to do it. But after they talked about it, they agreed to do the abortion because they were both at school and couldn't support the baby. Bank said to me that at first his parents refused to help because they said that they didn't want to get involved in killing a baby. After he heard that he cried and didn't know what to do next. But later on he knew that they just said "no" out loud because of Buddhist belief. Bank said that they just pretended not to help but later on they helped him anyway. But his girlfriend's parents never knew anything about the pregnancy or the abortion. They still think she is a virgin. So, his parents took his girlfriend to an abortion clinic on Sukhumvit Road. Actually, it is not an abortion clinic as that is illegal in Thailand. They call the abortion by a different name and do it in a normal clinic. For myself, I thought abortion was legal if the mother was less than three months pregnant. But I was wrong. All abortions are illegal unless the woman was raped or the baby could damage her health. After hearing the story from Bank. Most of my friends, including me of course, all use brand name condoms and wear them properly every time we play around. But for sure some of them still aren't scared or worried so they still do not use a condom. I think one day they will find out the hard way. Let's hope there will be someone there to support them when that day comes.

 

I think it's now time for me to tell you my darkest secret. But, you have to promise me first that after you read it, you won't change how you feel about me. I really don't want to tell you about it because it isn't a good thing to say out loud. But, after I have been thinking very hard about it for so long, I have decided it is important for teenagers to learn from my mistake. When I was 15, I became a "drug addict". Yes I know. You are probably wondering how a grade A student from a good family could have done something so stupid. Well, listen and I will tell you. It all started during the summer holidays two years ago. We had just finished grade 9 and my friends went to my house to have a little party. We drank some whisky and talked about the past three years. While we were chatting, a couple of my friends came up to me and asked to go up to my bedroom. So, I excused myself from drinking and led them upstairs. I opened my bedroom door for them and they walked in and sat on the floor. Then one of them (I will call him "A") took a pack of cigarettes out and broke it open neatly and handed the paper wrapper to my other friend (I will call him "B"). B picked it up and started to roll it while A was tearing out the silver foil from inside the cigarette pack. Then B put his hand down his underwear and pulled out a very short plastic straw that had been sealed at both ends. It looked like there was something stuck inside. B melted one end of the straw with his lighter. He then shook the straw and something dropped out. I took a closer look and soon realised that it was two red pills. Also I saw that there were two English letters, "WY", written on the pills. At the time, I remembered that I had seen this kind of medicine somewhere before and I was trying to think where. While I thought about it, A was putting one pill into the silver foil that he had made into a shape like a boat. B gave him the rolled up piece of paper and he put one end into his mouth. Then A used the lighter to heat the silver foil. The little red pill slowly became black liquid and it started to smoke. He then inhaled the smoke through the straw before passing both the silver foil and the lighter to B. After I saw how A sat and what he did, I remembered about where I had seen the pills before. I had seen them in a poster at school; an anti-drug poster. It is the poster that nearly every school would have to frighten their students away from drugs. This little red pill is called "Yaa Bah" (amphetamine) which means "crazy medicine" in English. This kind of drug is the most popular one for teenagers in schools. I was feeling a bit shocked at that moment. I had never thought that any of my friends would take drugs in front of me. I kept saying to myself in my mind again and again, "two of my friends are taking drugs in front of me". At first I was feeling a bit scared of them. But then, I started thinking about trying some. I know my teachers had said that it was bad thing to do, but I didn't understand why it looked like my friends were having a good time. I was curious. So, I asked them if I could try. At first they wouldn't let me. I started getting angry with them. I remember now saying to them something like, "Don't be stupid, I can control it. I won't get addicted. Believe me". They hesitated for a few seconds and then passed me the boat shaped silver foil.

 

After I had lost support from my family, I was lucky I still had someone who I could call a real friend to guide me. He helped me to the end and he is the one who led me out of that stupid drug-addicted world. He always helped me even though I lied to him so many times. I broke every one of my promises to him. I also stole things from him just to get the money for drugs. But he never gave up on me like my parents. He is the kind of person that every drug addict needs. A person that trusts them till the end whatever happens. I finally realised that the only way to quit was to leave all of my drug addict friends behind. If I didn't do that and I still hung around with them, there would be a higher chance for me to go back to drugs. I then left them and concentrated on working on my www.thailandlife.com web site and a new one that I had just started called www.learningthai.com. I found that if I focused on my work rather than taking drugs I could keep my mind clear. It was very hard at first as I wasn't able to concentrate on anything for very long. But, I kept going. Even though I am now clean from drugs, my past as a drug addict still haunts me. I have learned that a drug addict is always a drug addict even though they have quit. I will always be the one that everyone points their fingers at when something goes missing. Even if I didn't do anything wrong. At first I felt I wanted to hurt them back. But now I have learned to live with it because I was the one that made a mistake. I now say to myself, "Don't care about what people say about you, don't argue with them about what they say if you didn't do anything wrong. You have to accept and live with it because of your past. They are human, in the real world this is how it works". I wouldn't have been able to stay away from drugs without the support from my primary school teacher, the person who I call my friend. He is the one who signed up to help me and really helped me. He is the only one who was always there to support me with everything, no matter what. He is the guy who gave me a new life and teaches me how to handle everything. He is the best friend in the world I have ever had. Without him, I would still be a drug addict living by the side of the road or maybe not even alive anymore. He is a god for me! I want to finish this series of columns on drug addiction by giving some advice to everyone. First for teenagers, don't even think about trying drugs. It is much easier to get addicted than you think. And once you are addicted it is almost impossible to quit. Lots of things won't be the same again even if you can quit. Second, to teachers or teenagers that know someone who is addicted to drugs. Do your best to help them. Even if it seems like they don't want your help but I am sure that deep down inside, they do need and want help from you. And, if you have already committed yourself to helping them, please help them to the end. Don't stop half way through because you will make them worse than before. Also, be careful what you say and what you do. Remember that they are not in control of themselves. They can't really understand much about what is going on. Finally, I want every teenager to learn from my mistakes and I hope that my story will be useful for anyone who looks after a drug addict. Please help them and lead them to the right way. Thank you!